Emily (Knitter) Knapic
Major: Psychology
Current Job: Counseling Psychology Ph.D. Student at University at Buffalo
Last year, I was only days from graduating with my bachelor’s degree, just like you. I am 29 years old. Six years ago, I was preparing for a different kind of graduation. I was “graduating” from the U.S. Army after serving for five years. I still have no idea what the future will bring any more than I did then. But I do know a bit more about transitions. Looking back, there are four major things I wish I would have known. I hope that by sharing them you can avoid some of my mistakes.
- It’s normal to feel like everything is falling apart. You’re not alone.
I got out of the military with the plan to work in marketing and be a professional photographer. Seven jobs, six years, and two states later, I am now working to become a therapist. Yeah. Odds are, your first, second, and fifth plans might fail. If you’re anything like me, within the next few years you are going to feel like you’re falling off a cliff. You won’t even know who you are anymore. It’s going to suck. I wish I could tell you how to avoid it, but I’m not sure if you can. I just want you to know you’re not alone. It’s normal. Even if you’re doing what you think you’re “supposed to do,” it doesn’t mean it aligns with what you want or enjoy doing. The good news is it gets better. IF you are willing to change.
- Reach out to other people. It’ll surprise you how much they get it.
I wish I would have started to reach out to other people earlier. Not to have them fix anything, but simply to connect. I suffered on my own for so long because I didn’t want to burden anyone. But once I started talking, it helped release my fears and anxiety, and my friends were just fine. If you moved to a new city and don’t know anyone, call long-distance friends in the short term. Then try to use social or the gym or whatever organization you’re interested in to get involved.
- Make the decisions you want, even if you think other people might judge you.
Hit reset on your life as many times as it takes. Each time I’ve made a change, I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. I just knew it wasn’t what I was currently doing. But what would people think if I changed my whole life again? Was I the problem? As much as my mind tried to talk me out of changing, my gut kept screaming this wasn’t the right path. So, I researched interesting opportunities. I applied to jobs in states I’d never visited. I got a job and ended up moving across the country. A year later – I ended up leaving that job as well. But that led me to St. Bonaventure. Guess what? Not a single person has told me I should have stayed where I was. As long as you’re not harming yourself or others, people don’t care what you do. So, make the decisions you want.
4. Frugality = Freedom
The final lesson I wish I had learned earlier is that money is power. Not in the way you might think. Money is power because it gives you choices. You are probably broke right now. I know you won’t believe me, but that is a gift. When I started getting paychecks in the Army, I began buying things I thought I needed and deserved. But since then, I have had to turn down opportunities for things I loved because they didn’t pay enough to cover the bills I now have. Don’t let things own you. When you are able to easily afford the necessities each month, you have freedom. Freedom to quit that job, to take the opportunities that call to you, to travel, to choose.
In summary:
Continue to build your relationships. Know that you’re not alone when things don’t work out like you thought. Don’t give society control over your financial or life decisions. And don’t be afraid to make those scary changes. The freedom is yours. Go Bona’s!
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